


Facing the Past

by weakidiot



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Drama, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Lemon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weakidiot/pseuds/weakidiot
Summary: Familiar faces. Old love. Can two troubled hearts make it work this time around? (Cross posted on ff.net). Maybe a little OOC. :)





	1. Chapter 1

Connie sat in her car in a quiet daze, unsure if she actually wanted to leave the Maheswaran driveway. A few stray, dead leaves floated by, scraping the windshield as an overcast sky loomed. Sucking in a deep breath, she turned the keys into the ignition and backed away.

Driving through Beach City for the first time in five years was like trying on something that you hadn’t worn in years -- it fits, familiarly, but still feels new and foreign. A few buildings she didn’t recognize were sprinkled on the main strip. The Big Donut still had its giant donut, even if it had turned to a rusty, sun-bleached disk, yet Fish Stew Pizza looked unchanged in the slightest, even though there was a new girl she didn’t recognize sweeping the sidewalk in front. 

Five minutes away from the pier. Her pulse idled and she took a few shaky breaths. Would they even still be there?

_“I could walk… to take my time,”_ she thought. She parked at the end of the main strip, taking a quick look in the mirror to brush her hands through her dark hair, which now ran past her shoulders. As she walked down the empty street towards the beach, she stopped to take a look at the small building that had a pole sticking up from it, displaying a neon-light elephant. It’s A Wash was there, but clearly vacant. No banged up van in sight. The emotions that crept through her only made the twisting in her stomach worse. 

She still continued onward. At the edge of the beach, she was afraid to look for the giant, stoic outline of a graceful goddess protruding from the side of the cliff. The image of the figure flashed in her mind from long ago -- a beautiful, dark figure with fire running through its hair and jumping through the air, weapon in hand. She had blocked many of these memories out. They created pangs in her heart that yearned for adventures, excitement, and most importantly, _him._

The chilly wind blew through her hair as she stood on the edge of the sand with her eyes wrenched shut. 

“I can go tomorrow. Yes. No. NO. Now. Tomorrow… no, now.” She hoped no one was listening to her argue with herself. “Don’t be a coward. Do it.” She opened her eyes.

The temple was, in fact, still there, and still beautiful. She could have sworn the cold gust of wind was trying to push her to start the walk down the beach and up the stairs. The urge to throw up had settled itself in her stomach and wasn’t going away any time soon. She was at the bottom of the small flight of steps before she knew it. Making herself out of view of the windows, she still found time to stall. Past conversations of the last time they saw each other started to bounce around in her head.

_“I can’t do this anymore.”_

_“Why can’t we work this out?”_

_“We both have too much going on! You’re never here and I’m going away to school, and… and I can’t live this way anymore! I hate what this has turned into!”_

_“We can fix it! I’ll be here more, I promise! Don’t you want to? Don’t you want to fix this with me?”_

_“I’m sorry… I’m sorry, I just need some time to myself. You don’t need me around here anyways! I love you, but I’m sorry!”_

She winced, remembering how that was the last time they had seen each other. She was gone the next week, and even though they had talked a few times after, it had fallen apart. Days without talking bled into weeks, which had now spiraled into five years.

_“He probably doesn’t want to see you, idiot.”_ She scolded herself mentally. _“This is your fault.”_

The wind blew again, this time colder, seemingly scolding her as well. “Forget it,” she hissed through her teeth. She pulled her jacket closer to her body and started back in the direction of pier. Just before she was far enough away to be out of sight, she faintly heard the screen door fly open. Her eyes widened and she froze, too scared to turn around.

“Wait!” A deep voice called out.

Oh no.

“Connie! Is that you? Wait!” 

She turned around and there he was, running towards her. A seven-foot giant, with long black curls tied back that were bouncing as he made his way up to her.

“Steven! I-” 

In what seemed like an instant, he had scooped her up into a strong embrace. The smell of fresh earth with a hint of strawberry and sandalwood filled her nose as his hair tickled her face and she couldn’t help but smile for a moment. She couldn’t resist hugging him back. His toned body felt strong and comforting as it enveloped hers. Tears flowed freely from her eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m sorry I was gone for so long and…” he set her down. “...And I… I don’t know what to say.” She sniffled and used her sleeve to smear the tears away from her face. “Hi.”

His eyes were red and wet as well, but he couldn’t help but laugh. “Hi.” 

They both giggled for a moment, giving them a chance to calm down. “Would you… I mean, if you want to, that is,” Steven motioned towards the temple.  
“Oh, of course, I mean, that’s why… I came here to speak to you. To apologize. But if you don’t want to, I know it’s getting late in the evening, I would understand. I can come back tomorrow.” She was looking down at her sneakers, one hand grabbing the back of her neck.

“No, please, I’d like to… I’d like to spend some time with you. I definitely wouldn’t ask if I didn’t want you to!” His innocent smile could be heard through his invitation. “If you’re not comfortable with coming inside, we could go somewhere else, or we could go sit at the pier, or-”

Without thinking, she touched his arm. “I’d love to spend some time with you.”

They headed towards the temple, silently, as waves washed in and out of the shore.

***

Reunions can be awkward, but there is often something special when someone gets to revisit places and people they knew. For Connie, the urge to throw up never left her stomach as she tried to cheerfully greet Steven’s guardians as if there were no looming questions to be answered or conflicts to resolve. The special part, however, was how warm it felt to be sitting in Steven Universe’s living room, holding a cup of hot tea. The still hot cup felt like an old friend and the salty, wooden smell of their home brought back a rush of happy feelings. His family treated her no different than how they would have treated her before she left.

“...and by the end of our fencing match, her foil was broken!” Laughs filled the room.

“Well, it sounds like many of the things you learned came in handy!” Pearl’s elegant voice was very comforting to hear, as well as the snorting and psssh’s that came out of Amethyst. Garnet’s presence was quiet, but still well known.

Connie smiled and nodded. “Absolutely!” 

Pleasantries had been exchanged, but friendly conversation didn’t leave much room for serious talk. It was now dark, and Connie hadn’t had a chance to talk to Steven alone.

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, startling her. She pulled it out and glanced quickly. “Crap. I didn’t even tell my parents I’d be out this late. Ugh. I should probably get back… they haven’t spent much time with me since I got here. Still overprotective as ever…” She got up, thanking them for the welcome and the tea. 

Steven jumped up immediately. “Let me walk you back to your car. It’s super dark now.”

Connie opened up her mouth to protest, but thought better of it. She agreed and they were, again, walking silently towards her parking spot. As soon as they were out the door, all three of his gem guardians crowded around the window to watch.

***

“Sorry, I didn’t think we’d spend the entire time with everyone,” Steven said as they walked up off the beach and onto the road. “We didn’t really get a chance to talk.” 

“Oh, it’s fine. It was nice to see them again.”

They passed the empty car wash. “Hey, where’s...?” She stopped walking and motioned towards it. 

Steven looked down and sighed. “He passed away last year.”

“What?! Oh my God, I’m so sorry. How did I not know? Couldn’t you have… you know…” She found herself touching his arm again, tears starting to fall.

“You couldn’t have known, it’s ok. He had a heart attack, and I didn’t get to him in time. I guess… I guess I can’t save people if too long has passed.” 

“If I would have known, I would have been here. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s ok. I’m at peace with it. I promise.” He flashed that smile again, putting her at ease. “I’m at peace with a lot of things.”

“God, I’ve been gone for so long that I wasn’t even there for you. I’m an awful person. I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed here, and-”

“And not pursued your dreams? Connie, you had to leave for school. We were so young. We weren’t thinking about things long term.” 

She didn’t argue with him as they began to approach her car, but she wanted to break down and tell him how much she regretted leaving.

“I guess this is me,” she stood beside her car with him under the pale glow of a street light. She didn’t want to leave yet.

“...So how long are you in town for?”

“I’m, uh, taking the semester off. I have too many credits and it was cheaper for me to take a break rather than pay the fall tuition. The rest of the classes I need to finish don’t happen until spring.” 

“Well, that’s… good,” he said.

Silence was there again, hanging between the two like a thick blanket. Many things were processing in both of their heads. Connie still had many things to say, but couldn’t find a way to say them. She turned to face him, unsure of what could come out of her mouth.

Their eyes met, and she suddenly knew that nothing needed to be said right now. His hand gently touched the side of her face, sending shivers from her face and down her back. Their faces inched closer together, and her knees felt like they could buckle at any second. When their lips met, it felt like her body was being brought back from the dead. She leaned in as one hand snaked around her waist, pressing their bodies together. She reached up, locking her arms around his neck.

After a few blissful moments, he pulled back with wide eyes. “I’m sorry. I should have asked! Connie, I don’t know why I did that, I’m sorry. Connie?”

She had to shake her head out of the daze she was in. “No, it’s ok!” She held her hand to her mouth for a second and gave a small smile. “I promise, it’s fine. I… I should probably go. It’s really late.” 

“Oh, yeah. I’m sorry. I kept you super late, too. Your parents must be throwing a fit.”

She got into the car, unsure of the next time they would meet, but leaned out the window. They still had many things to catch up on.

“I have some things to do tomorrow, but… want to get something with me after?”

His face lit up as he agreed, and as she drove away, he didn’t move from that spot until he could no longer see her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So I haven't written anything in a long time because I was too busy getting a degree, but for some reason I had a sudden spark and felt like this was the best way to get back into it. It's more than I've written as far as stories go in a very long time. Some things may be incorrect canonically, or even OOC, but I hope it's something that I can see through to completion. It's also something that I hope you'll enjoy. :) Constructive criticism is more than welcome!

Connie didn't sleep much that night. She tossed and turned, replaying the entire evening in her head, and being in her old room for the first time in a long time wasn't helping her be at ease. She rolled over and tucked her knees into her chest, facing the single window displaying dim stars, no more moonlight in sight. Stuck in the place between the night turning into pale dawn, it was hard to decide whether to force herself to sleep or just lay there. Her hand kept gently touching her lips, afraid that if she fell asleep she would wake up to find out this had only been a dream. 

The window itself was a reminder of the things she had hidden away for the years she'd been away. It had been a gateway for many teenage nights spent lying together with Steven, exploring one another, scared that her parents could walk in at any second, but too happy to care. She mentally interrupted the ripples of memories, reminding herself that this isn't what she came back for.

_"You came back here to make amends. Don't get your hopes up. This isn't going to work out... you're leaving again in the spring. You're not off the hook, either."_

Mentally talking herself into rationalizing the gravity of situations was starting to become a habit she was well acquainted with. She imagined meeting up with Steven again tomorrow, going over what she would say if she were to blurt out the truth. _"It's so great to see you again, and I came here to let you know that I messed up. By the way, I was an idiot and forgot to mention the fact that I'm seeing someone. By the way, I love you. By the way, I'm leaving again. Hope you're ok with that."_ Cringing at her dialogue, she draped an arm over her eyes.

Her phone buzzed in the silence of her dark room with a text notification. "Speak of the devil."

**-Did you make it? I never heard from you. Nice of you to let me know.-**

She grimaced as she read the message, the contact at the top labeled "Adam." Her cheeks flushed with anger for a moment before deciding to message him back.

**-Sorry. I made it. It was a long day. I told you I'd be with my family when I got here. Don't be an asshole.-**

**-Excuse me for caring. If you wanted to take a break from us, you could have just said so. I'm so sick of you dodging me. Go be with your family and call me when you're done being a bitch.-**

Adam had been on and off with Connie throughout her time at law school. When she decided not to mention the fact that she'd be taking the next semester off until the day before she left, it was out of a necessity she couldn't quite explain. His angled, pointy face always stuck with a scowl, and his touch always left her feeling less than she was.

The thought of breaking away from him for good made her nervous. When she returned, they would be stuck together on the same class team for her final semester.

"You know you'd enjoy school a little more if you just relaxed," he said to her one day as they sat in a busy coffee shop, her text books surrounding her.

"Sorry, I just really have to work at this right now. I'll meet up with you later, I promise!" A smile spread across her face to add to it.

He gripped her wrist a little too hard. "Don't forget." 

She touched her wrist, the memory burning in her skin like a fire. 

_"No. No more of this. You used to be so brave. What happened?"_ She sucked in a giant breath and started to furiously text back.

_-I'll call you when I want to. Fuck off for awhile.-_

It wasn't quite a breakup, or even good, but it was a start. Her heart was pounding as she watched the message deliver, the anxiety of regret falling into her stomach like a rock. Almost immediately, her phone started buzzing with a call. Laying there watching it ring without picking it up gave her a satisfied sense of accomplishment, chasing her anxiety away -- even more so when she turned her phone completely off. 

The feeling satisfied her enough to finally fall asleep.

~~~

Dodging the nosy questions of her parents was a feat that Connie wasn't sure how she'd overcome, but somehow she found herself out of the house and into the day. Her phone was still off, and she put off turning it back on for awhile.

The day quickly faded into late afternoon, and she was soon parked at the Beach City main strip, her sneakers trudging up the sidewalk the same as last night. Stopping at an older looking store, Bargain Books, she was happy to finally find a place that wouldn't put her on edge. When she had mentioned to Steven that she had some things to do, the truth was she just needed time to gather her courage to face him again.

Browsing aisles of books always felt comfortable, no matter what was troubling her. She reached for a thick book titled _The Laws of Law School_ and bemusedly flipped through its pages. She casually glanced out the store window, and quickly stopped. Her eyes spotted Steven across the street, heading into a cafe. 

"Shit." She whipped her phone out to check the time, forgetting the fact that as she was trying to shut out Adam, she was blocking any way of Steven contacting her. _"A lot of good that did you, idiot! He's probably waiting for you. You didn't even let him know what time you'd planned on meeting him. And your phone is off. Fantastic."_

She adjusted her beanie, combing the hair that spilled out of it with her fingers, hands starting to shake again.

"If you did it yesterday, you can do it again. Come on, Maheswaran. You've been through worse. Don't bother using your phone. Just go over there."

She straightened her shoulders and before walking across the street into the cafe, only to have them deflate into a slouch when she didn't see him inside. "Guess I missed him?" Deciding to grab coffee while she was there, she was right back where she started out on the sidewalk. Her feet took off towards the end of the strip and onto the pier.

Sitting at the edge of the pier had always been one of her favorite spots in Beach City. It wasn't summer, but the sea was just as beautiful in the fall, with low hues of blue and grey against a dark, cloudy sky. A perfect place to gather her thoughts, but in this case, the perfect place to cautiously turn her phone on. She bit her lip, watching text after angry text come through, along with three voicemails. 

"Hey! There you are," Steven's voice made her jump, spilling her coffee onto her lap. "Wow, maybe I should think about things before I do them! I'm so sorry!"

"Steven!" She stood up, using the bottom of her sweater to try and wipe the coffee stain splashed down her leg. "Don't even worry about it. It's just..." Her words trailed off as they made eye contact. "...coffee. It's just coffee!" A nervous laugh escaped her lips.

He smiled in relief. His good mood seemed infectious as she found herself smiling as well. "You probably don't want more coffee at this point, but I can get you a new one. Or you could have mine! I just got it. Well, it's not coffee, but it's chai."

"Nah, coffee's for chumps anyways," she faked an eye roll and they shared a laugh. "You know, though, I could use something to eat, though. If you want. I understand if you're busy... I didn't even let you know what my plans were."

"Let's do it!" He held out his hand. "Anything but coffee. My treat." 

She shoved her phone in her back pocket, which hadn't stopped lighting up with notifications. "Deal," she said, before placing her hand in his.

~~~

Steven and Connie sat on the beach a ways down from the temple, watching the ocean waves come in and slowly reel out. A dim sunset could be seen behind the clouds, and the only thing left out of their small take-out feast were the small tapioca balls at the bottoms of their boba teas. She spent time telling him about law school, taking liberties to leave Adam out, and being on a fencing team, and what life was like hundreds of miles away from home. He traded stories of things that had happened around Beach City in her absence, good and bad. The evening was littered with many laughs, and even a few tears.

"I can't believe how much has changed. I feel like I missed so much." Connie stood up to look out over the water, trying to spot the last speck of glowing sun behind the overcast disappearing below the horizon.

"Well, I can't believe so much has happened over the years, now that I'm telling you about it. Honestly, I feel like it was yesterday that..." 

"...that we were just kids?" 

"Yeah, exactly." He chuckled. "Connie, I'm so glad I got to talk to you again. I'm so sorry about what happened. I feel like it was all my fault."

She walked back over and sat down again, placing her hand over his. "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. I was the one who left, remember?"

"I could have been around more. I was too busy being worried about things that weren't..."

"Important? Steven, we went through a lot as kids. YOU went through a lot. You finding out about your mom was important! And what happened to you... the terrible things you experienced on Homeworld. That was a lot to handle, much less the fact that you had to hang onto that while trying to grow up."

He turned to face her, a serious look on her face that she hadn't seen but only a few times throughout the entire time she'd known him.

"I was too stupid to realize what I had. Too worried about the stupid expectations my parents put on me and what I was supposed to do with my life," she said as she pulled her hand away and made fists in her lap.

"You didn't want to go away to school?"

"No... yes...?" She sighed. "I don't know." She felt her phone buzz in her back pocket again. "There are a lot of things I regret."

"It's ok," he said calmly. "You're here now, at least. I'm glad for that." 

An awful pang surged through her chest, good and bad at the same time. "I'm glad too, but..." She felt a raindrop on her forehead.

"But?"

In an instant, rain decided to dump on them. "But rain!" she cried, then laughed. They ran down the beach and into his house, both drenched. Shivering and water dripping from the ends of her hair, she took off her sweater and shoes. The house was dark and silent as they tried their best to dry themselves.

"I guess I didn't think about bringing a raincoat. I should probably go home... I didn't think to bring a change of clothes either!" That nervous laugh was back again.

Steven was quiet for a moment. "...I've got towels. If you wanted to dry off and warm up first." He caught her gaze with a smile. "Only if you want to. You can go home if you need to!"

The freedom to choose what she wanted felt like a nice change of pace. "You know, it's probably not a good idea to walk to the car in the rain..." She exaggeratedly held her chin as if she were trying to figure out a serious problem. "I could get sick... swept away by a flash flood... attacked by-"

"Water monsters?" He asked, grinning now.

"Oh, yeah, that sounds pretty bad. Better not risk it!" She threw her hands in the air to solidify the point. They shared a laugh, and he took her hand to lead her down a hallway.

"I feel like this is different. You used to have all your things up on the loft in the main room... right? Am I losing it?" 

"Yeah, we did a little 'remodeling' a couple of years ago. I have like... an actual room now. Well, you've seen it before, but I learned to actually use it as a room."

They stopped in front of what seemed like an empty wall until a glowing pink doorway faded into existence. Inside, there was a large, open bedroom, filled with things that were unmistakably Steven. Dark gray shelves lined the soft pink walls, filled with pictures, keepsake action figures, and things he'd collected over the years. Several plants hung in the air from the ceiling, all with beautiful foliage spilling out of their pots. A small gasp escaped Connie's lips. "Wow... this is beautiful!"

"Thanks... it's way better than the loft, trust me." He laughed, and walked over to a giant dresser. "I don't have much that would fit, but if you want, I can give you a shirt to put on while your clothes dry." He tossed her a familiar looking t-shirt, adorned with a star. "I'll be back in a second." 

He disappeared down a hallway she could have sworn wasn't there when they first walked in. She quickly out her phone and switch it off, trying not to pay attention to the notifications. At a quick glance, she was sure there were at least 50.

_"Not important right now,"_ she thought, shoving any trace of Adam out of her mind. She then tugged off her soaked shirt and jeans and slipped into the clean shirt. With it falling almost to her knees, it was comfortable to her as she quietly walked around the massive room. She stopped to look out of a giant window that was actually a doorway to a large balcony, overlooking the vast pink field and dusky sky she now recognized.

"Here." Steven came up behind her and draped a large towel over her shoulders. That fresh strawberry smell, mixed with sandalwood, entered her nose as she inhaled and pulled the towel closer.

_"Damn... why is everything he does perfect?"_

"Thanks," she said. "I was actually freezing." 

He smiled again, and they made themselves comfortable on his couch. They easily fell into an old habit from long ago -- Connie sat with her back resting on the arm of the couch, her feet resting in Steven's lap. The sky outside had faded into an almost purple shade, making his room dim.

"Tonight's been great. I can't remember the last time I actually felt... normal," he said. 

"Yeah, tell me about it. Just coming back home has been a huge relief from..." she started to trail off. 

"School?"

"Yes! School. Exactly. Law school." She laughed nervously again, leaning back into the towel. Silence caught up with them and she fiddled with the hem of the shirt. 

"What's that?" 

She snapped her head up. "What's what?"

"On your leg. Do you have a scar?" He gently touched a scar that started at the bottom of her left knee. 

"What? Oh..." She pushed the hem of the shirt down, her cheeks flushing. "Fencing, remember?"

His face faltered into that serious look. "Is that from before you left?"

"No! It's... it's nothing."

"So not fencing?"

Her eyes darted away from him and to the floor. That scar was from her second year, when she wrestled a bottle away from a very drunk Adam, who was supposed to be the one taking her home from the house party they were at. They both fell over, and the bottle broke, slicing her leg. Still bleeding, she helped him up instead of leaving him there like she should have. The memory came and she shooed it away.

"No one did that to you... did they?" he asked.

Blood rushed to her cheeks. "What? Steven, don't be ridiculous. I can take care of myself. You know that." 

"It's none of my business, I'm sorry. I just care about you... a lot." His fingers traced the scar, stopping at the top of her knee.

His touch gave her chills. "I... I still care about you too." Her words were small, almost a whisper. She had wanted to end the statement with a "but," and then they'd be back to square one. 

"Do you want me to fix it?" 

"What, my scar?"

He looked at the scar, then into her eyes. Her breath stopped and she felt like her chest might explode. "Yeah," he said. "If you want me to." 

"I... I mean... You don't have to. I'm ok, really." Her heart was began to beat loudly.

"You shouldn't have to walk around with scars like that. But it's up to you."

She took a deep breath, trying not to blurt out the answer she really wanted to give. "...ok, then. Yes. Please."

He leaned over, gently placing his lips at the bottom of her knee. An intense warmth spread from the scar all the way up her back as goosebumps trailed up her body. The scar slowly faded into new, soft flesh. He sat back up, checking on her. 

Unable to hold back any longer, she let the towel drop off her shoulders and she moved forward to press her lips into his. 

He pulled back, "Connie, I-"

"No, it's fine... I want this." She kissed him again, and he didn't pull back. As she entangled her hands behind his head, he slipped his arms around her.

He trailed off down to her neck, reaching up the shirt to unhook her bra. Quickly, almost desperately, she threw the shirt and bra off and started unbuttoning his jeans. Kissing her again, he picked her up and carried her over to the bed. They became lost to anything else around them as they rapidly became entangled in one another. She felt his hands all over her body, leaving trails of electric warmth that made her unsure if any of it was even real.

What she also couldn't believe was how much Steven had changed. The last time they were intimate was the product of two fumbling teenagers, nervous and unsure. Now he was confident and strong, taking the lead in what they were doing, yet considerate of every touch. A moan escaped her lips as she felt him kiss down her stomach while slowly peeling off the last bit of her clothing.

Her heart pounded faster as she felt him tease the inside of her thighs with small kisses, her fingers gripping the sheets. After taking the time to give both thighs attention, she felt him taste her. She sighed deeply and ran her hands through his hair as her hips involuntarily moved against his mouth. Her entire body felt like it was on fire.

He gently kissed his way back up her body as she rubbed her hands down his back. They took a moment to look each other in the eyes, both breathing heavily. 

"You're so beautiful," he said. She smiled and pressed her lips into him as their bodies pressed closer together, and he interlaced a hand with hers. Mapping her body with his, she felt him enter her slowly as she arched her back. She felt the brutal strength of his passion throughout her body as she relentlessly moved her hips against his.

Reason tumbled into oblivion as ripples of pleasure engulfed them, and when she was sure her body couldn't handle any more, climax came at her in drugging waves. Eyes closed, breath heavy, and body shaking, she pressed her forehead against his.

Spent and exhausted, they laid together under the sheets in a comfortable silence, their breathing being the only thing filling it. She had her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as she lazily stroked her fingers across it. His hands softly played with her hair, and they soon fell into a sleep, dark and dreamless.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone is interested -- I have a playlist I made for when I sit down to write more. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/570STyXYMjLYeoOPRmQ5cC
> 
> Enjoy!

When Connie woke up, she felt as though she'd been sleeping for days. Steven's room seemed to be lit up as if it were a bright and sunny morning, even if the sun couldn't technically shine inside. She stretched, expecting to feel him beside her, but he was gone. When she was able to coax her body to move out of the comfort of the warm, soft sheets, she changed back into now dry clothes that had been neatly folded onto the couch. Begrudgingly, she turned on her phone to check the time. 

Wincing at the amount of unread notifications, she sighed at the fact that some weren't only from Adam, but her parents had blown up her phone as well. It was almost noon.

 _"That's gonna be a mess to go home to..."_ She thought as she scanned the room for any sign of Steven.

The pink doorway faded into existence on an empty wall and he walked in with two mugs of coffee. "Hey, you're up!"

She had no control over the smile that spread across her face. "Yeah... I can't believe I slept late. I don't think I've slept in like that in years." She took one of the mugs and took a long sip, thanking him. "My parents are probably flipping out."

He gave a sheepish laugh. "Yeah... sorry about that."

"Not that I want to leave so quick, but... I should probably go." She took one last glance at the phone, wishing it were empty. "Twenty-three and they still assume the worst when I stay out all night." 

"They just care about you," he said. "They're also probably just happy to have you home instead of so far away." 

She smiled at the way he found the positives in any situation. She'd missed it. The two of them took their time, enjoying the radiant feeling between them before she left to go home. She kissed him goodbye when she left and sighed in disappointment on the way home at the fire she would have to put out with her parents. What loomed even larger over her head was the fact that she'd have to deal with Adam at some point.

Not that he deserves it, she thought.

After assuring her parents that she was fine, and that she spent the night at Steven's house instead of driving through the rainstorm -- which caused an entirely new set of questions from them, mainly her mother -- she finally escaped to her room to clean herself up and catch up on some reading. Before she could actually sit down and read, though, her stomach kept twisting thinking about the messages on her phone. She scrolled through them, disturbed at the things Adam sent.

**-You think you can just blow me off??-**

**-If you think I'll forget about this, you're wrong.-**

**-Call me back. NOW.-**

**-I'm going to get through to you, either now or later. Call me back.-**

**-Why would you do this to us? I was good to you, and all you do is stab me in the fucking back.-**

**-You're a fucking bitch and I hope you're happy. Of course you'd do this to me. I gave you everything you wanted and you decided to hurt me like this instead. We'll see how things work out when you get back and you'll wish you'd never done this.-**

They were only text messages, but they made her hands shake. She tried to picture what would happen when she got back -- even toying with the idea of going back to how things were over the last three school years sounded like torture. She'd go back, they would fight, get back together, do the majority of the work for their team, cater to his demands, go out to get drunk and forget, and then hate herself for it and hate him. It was a cycle she was finally out of, even if only temporarily, and she felt like she could finally breathe. She tried to understand how it even got to this point -- how the brave girl she was turned out to be such a coward.

Her thoughts turned to Steven and the night before. It was so wonderful and she didn't feel any of the things that made her hate herself when she was around him. For the first time in a long time, the morning after was bright instead of dull and grey. Her world felt like it was full of color again and she didn't want to give that up anymore. 

She scrolled to Adam's name and counted to three before pressing the call button.

"Finally," he said smugly.

"Adam, I'm ending this. I'll be making arrangements to switch groups when I get back." Her voice quivered with anxiety, but she remained calm.

"You'll come crawling back. You always do. You'll see," he said.

"No, not this time. I'm done, Adam. I'm not doing this anymore."

"You think you can just leave me? Sure. Go ahead and try. I'm a lot harder to get rid of than you think," he spat.

She pulled the phone away and hung up, then went into his contact information and hit the red "block contact" button. She took a couple of steadying breaths.

 _What could he even do? He's a dumb rich kid who only wants to get his way. I don't need this._

She had a sudden urge to take it back, unblock him, and smooth out the waves she just made. She hovered over the button that now read "unblock contact." Before she could press it, a new text came through.

**-Hey, Connie, just making sure you got home safe! Hope your parents weren't too upset.-**

She held her phone and smiled as her anxiety melted away. 

 

~~~

 

Over the next few weeks, Connie nearly forgot about Adam since finally telling him how she felt. His threats no longer made her nervous -- they made her angry and unsure as to how she even got to the point of letting someone so awful into her life. 

Now, spending time with Steven made her feel like she was coming back to a part of herself she thought was gone forever. For example, she forgot how much fun it was to walk up and down the pier with him buying every type of food they saw, even if they couldn't finish it. Or how they would sit cross-legged in his living room while she read and he played a video game, then fell asleep together. Or how he would drive her back to her house in his jeep and she would secretly film him until he noticed and tried to grab her phone away form her. Or how Steven made her crack up by making stupid puns while taking long walks or hiking with him, joking the entire time. She felt as happy as she did when they were children, spending every day together and doing whatever they felt like.

When the air grew too cold, they used the warp pad to get away from the frigid air of the fall to somewhere warm. They had just finished a four mile hike up the lower half of a small mountain and up a natural winding trail. Before them was a large hot spring, surrounded by colorful wildflowers that looked like they could come to life and eat something if they chose to. They found a spot under a tree to sit at, Steven picking absentmindedly at his ukulele and Connie flipped slowly through a textbook.

Reading the same paragraph over three times, she felt the creeping feeling that she needed to tell Steven about what had happened -- to tell him the truth about Adam finally and how it was over. She closed the book and sat it down, and Steven stopped picking.

"Done already?" he asked.

"You know, I probably should have brought something more entertaining than things I need to read for school. The farther away I am from that place, the more I hate to think about it," she said. 

"You never finished telling me why you said you regret going away to school. Any time you talk about it, you sound like you don't ever want to go back." He set the instrument down and sat up.

"I guess I don't regret going to achieve what I wanted to, I just regret... I mean, I regret leaving home. It's not like here at all."

"What else?"

"I..." _Just say it!_ "Well, some of the people there aren't exactly... great to be around." 

"What do you mean?"

She picked a small flower, twirling it between her fingers. "They're different. And not as nice as people from here. And sometimes I feel like I'm the one doing all the work out of my team, and I have a feeling it won't be any different when I go back."

"You know you don't have to, right? I mean, you're really close to finishing, but you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," he said. "I feel like sometimes, with everything you've told me so far, you forget that you can do what you need to."

She dropped the flower, letting it float into the grass. "It would be stupid not to finish. It's not even the work that bothers me, it's just..." You'll hate me. I can't do it. I don't want to screw this up again.

"Just what?"

She took a deep breath. "There's-"

The ground suddenly shook, cutting her off. They both jumped to their feet, and a giant roar echoed through the air. "Is that what I think it is? Are there still corrupted gems? After all this time?" she asked, eyes wide.

He nodded. "It's impossible to know how many. We've still been chasing after them... even since you left."

She grabbed his hand, her heart racing. "Let's... let's go get it! Together."

"You mean you want to?"

"Yes. If you do."

He grinned and took her hand, twirling her around before grabbing her waist and leaning her into a dip. She wrapped her arms around his neck and laughed as they transformed into one. Their beautiful form took off, their long, slender legs running in the direction of the roar.

It had been years since they fused, but becoming Stevonnie for the first time in forever felt as good as the first time they accidentally fused as children. They were just as agile as they ran through the shallow hot spring and into a dense patch of forestry. It was almost effortless subduing the giant black corrupted beast, even without the aid of a weapon. Much like remembering how to ride a bike, it came naturally to them.

As the gem fell to the ground in its small form, Steven and Connie fell separated to the ground together, laughing. Connie sat up, happy tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes. "I forgot how amazing that felt," she said. 

Steven sat up too, beaming as he held out a hand to help her up. She took it, but pulled him back down and kissed him as he fell forward. They rolled over, laughing still, in the grass and laid there, side by side. 

_I can tell him later._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's a short chapter. Sorry! I got into the next part and it's too long to make one chapter, I think, so the next one should be out sooner rather than later. Also, if anyone thinks I'm doing anything dumb, let me know. I'm trying to get back into writing and it's been a super long time. I'm also trying not to stray too far from canon things, so I apologize if anything's off. Anyways, thanks for reading so far!


	4. Chapter 4

Unbeknownst to Connie, later would come a lot sooner than she knew. The sky had faded into a low, dusky hue and they built a fire to sit by before going back to the warp pad. The remains of an impromptu picnic were scattered around the blanket they sat on, which came down to a few marshmallows and wine that they drank out of plastic cups that had faded Crying Breakfast Friends characters on the sides -- a decision made by Steven as he packed his bag that morning.

Connie's cheeks were flushed as she finished her second cup. "You remember that time we were going to run away? And we actually got on a bus that night?"

Steven closed his eyes, visibly cringing at the thought. "I can't believe we did that."

She refilled her cup. "We really thought we were grown up," she said and laughed.

Steven laughed and finished what was his third cup. "And I really believed Garnet when she told me I couldn't watch tv for a thousand years!"

They both giggled at the thought. "Ok, ok," she said, taking a sobering breath. "I have another one." Her voice became low and quiet. "Do you remember the time we went to that pool party, and, we were mad at each other, and you asked Kevin to help you try and 'act cool'?"

They were both quiet for a moment, then busted out into laughter again. "I hated him so much!" Steven said. "I honestly thought it was going to get you to think I was cool."

"I thought you were cool anyways," she said. "Way cooler than I was! Always."

"Not true," he said. "You were even taller than me. Clearly superior!"

"If that's the case, then, we know who the superior one is now," she said as used her hands to motion towards him. 

"Still you!"

"No... no way. You'll always be better than me." Her voice had fallen quiet. _I can't even tell you the truth_ , she thought.

"I don't think it's a contest," he said, picking up on the seriousness in her tone. "What makes you think that?"

"Steven, I... I have to tell you something. Well, I've been trying to tell you something." She set her cup down and twiddled her hands in her lap. "When I had the chance to come home for awhile, it wasn't only because I needed to take a semester off."

He leaned in towards her, listening.

"I wanted to get away from... from something," she said and sighed. "Like I was trying to tell you earlier today, and how I've been trying to tell you this whole time, there are a lot of things I regret, and, I already told you I regret leaving and I wanted to come here and apologize, but..." 

"Connie, what's wrong? You can tell me if you want, but if you don't want to, it's ok. I'm really worried about whatever is bothering you."

"You'll... you won't want to see me anymore." Her heart started to race, and she quickly finished the rest of her cup.

"Don't be ridiculous. You really think that I would think that?"

"Steven, I lied!" She blurted out. "I lied about the scar. I lied about why I came back."

"Connie, it's ok. Whatever happened, it's ok."

"No! No, it's not. Steven... did you see anybody else?"

"What?"

"While I was gone. Did you see other people?"

"Well, no, I didn't even think about it. I don't understand. Why does it matter?"

She felt a knot form in her throat. "Well I did, and I hate myself for it." She pulled her knees into her chest and covered her face with her hands. "There it is. The truth. I've been with someone since I left for school, and I hate it and him and I hate everything about it. I hate what happened. I hate that myself for letting any of it happen!"

Steven didn't say anything for a few moments. "Connie..."

"You don't deserve any of the things I've done to you, Steven. I'm just going to do it again when I leave to go back. I don't even know why I came back to try and apologize. I knew what I did, and I couldn't even tell you. So what did I do? Come back and act like everything was fine and play house with you before I leave again." She lifted her head and looked into the fire as it popped, its crinkling noise blending into the noise of the nature around them.

"Connie, stop." 

Tears started to fall down her face. "No! I didn't even call you. I didn't keep up with you at all. We were best friends! I loved you! And I threw it all away for what? For a degree? For some asshole who I let treat me like shit? I deserve everything that happened. We had everything. I'm a monster."

He grabbed her shoulders. "Stop it!" She looked him in the eyes, taking shaky breaths."You really think that about yourself?" he said, traces of anger in his voice. "And you think you deserve that? Why are you beating yourself up about this? And what do you mean you let them treat you badly? Who? You don't deserve that ever! You honestly believe that I would think badly of you for that?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

"You really don't know?"

He pulled her close and placed his lips on hers. Her body let go of any tension it was holding and she melted into his arms. He cupped her face as she leaned back to look him in the eyes again. "Connie, I love you. I'm always going to love you. Whether you love me back or not. I can't change it. I never stopped. It's been that way since the day I met you."

"Steven, I... we can't... I don't deserve to-"

"You deserve whatever makes you happy. You need to forgive yourself... you can't keep coming down on yourself like this."

"I'm the one who left. I ruined it all. We went through so much together, and I left." She pressed herself into him, her chin resting on the top of his shoulder as she spoke quietly into his ear. "I wish I could take it back. I wish I would have stayed and worked things out with you when you asked me. That's what I regret."

"Who says we still can't? If that's what you want, then I'll be there for it," he said. The fire crackled in the silence and she pulled back to look at him again.

"Won't you have a hard time trusting me? You're not bothered by what I just told you? What if I can't... what if I don't want to stay? I don't even know if I'm sure about-"

"I meant what I said."

She took a moment to steady her breathing before she leaned in towards him again, this time pressing her lips against his before straddling his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck and locking her fingers in his hair. He groaned softly from his throat as his tongue slipped inside her mouth and she felt that melting feeling again, like the fire beside them was making her body dissolve into his. She breathed in deeply, the smell of the marshmallows, the wine, the smoke, and the wildflowers filling her nose.

Eyes closed, she used her mouth to feel the way down his chin and up his neck to his earlobe as a bursting feeling welled up in her chest. She felt like the world was fading around them, the only thing tethering them to reality was the faint sound of the fire and the loud hum of crickets in the fresh night air. Feeling his body this close made her forget everything, even if only for a short while. She could only focus on how wonderful it felt when their skin touched and, if it were possible, she didn't ever want to stop.

"I'm sorry... I don't know why I did any of it." 

"You don't have to be sorry," he said. "You just need to do what makes you happy. If that's not here... that's ok."

"What if I leave again and I don't come back?" The question was a whisper, barely audible over the sounds around them.

The smoke of the fire creeped quietly into the dark, star ridden sky. "Then that's how it'll be."

She let her mind soak in the words they exchanged while feeling his chest rise and fall against hers. Unsure of how much time had passed, their lips met a final time before they got up to put the fire out and pack their things. When they arrived back at the temple, Connie noticed a faint glow coming through the windows.

"Steven! Look!"

"What?"

"...It's snowing!"

He grinned and grabbed her hand and they settled down by the window, watching the first snowfall of the season together for the first time in years.

~~~

Connie sat in the corner of the Beach City boardwalk cafe, three large books spread onto the table. While her time off from school was slowly becoming enjoyable, the dark cloud that was the upcoming semester loomed in the distance. Winter was already grasping at the last bit of what fall had left to offer, and she accepted the fact that it would be here sooner than she knew. Drama or none, the work of her final semester would be an absolute. 

It had been five hours since she last moved from her spot, or it at least felt that way to her back. The sun was dipping into he horizon as she took a moment to gaze out the cafe's windows. It was no longer snowing, but the half-foot that accumulated earlier wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

She let her hand doodle idly while admiring the pink and orange glow reflecting form the sky to the calm sea. When her eyes drifted back, she had drawn stars across the top of her paper. She smiled, then sighed before scratching them out. The conversation they'd had by the fire a few weeks ago was something she thought about often.

_"You didn't even tell him that you loved him back, stupid."_

It wasn't the resolution she wanted, but it was progress since deciding to come back. Telling him about what she faced since leaving was a huge step, but what came next? She pictured herself leaving again. Graduation meant starting work, or more internships, at the very least. Beach City didn't offer much in that respect, and that meant not coming back. The thought of leaving Steven and not coming back after this entire visit made her feel too guilty to tell him the most-likely scenario for her life after graduation.

 _"If you break it off soon, it could save us both a lot of grief... Then again... what if I come back anyways?"_ She imagined the disappointment of her mother's face and the dark void of an uncertain future. 

_**Bump** _

One of her books slid off the end of the table and slammed onto the ground making her thoughts dissipate. Bending down to grab it, she squinted her eyes at the guy in the hoodie who was now hurrying out the door without even bothering to look back.

 _"I guess there's rude people everywhere,"_ she thought before flipping back to the right page. She took a long drink of coffee before beginning to skim its pages again.

It wasn't too long after when she started to feel like she needed to close her eyes. They were suddenly heavy, as if she could lay her head down right on the table and effortlessly fall asleep. Steven wasn't due to meet her there for another hour, but the sudden onset fatigue made her pull out her phone.

**-Hey, I know we agreed to meet at 6, but would you want to leave now? I'm super tired all of a sudden.-**

He responded almost immediately.

**-Hmm... pick you up from studying or listen to Amethyst and Pearl fight over who knows what for another hour. Hard choice.... ok on my way! ...Everything ok?-**

****-I'm fine. Staying up the past few nights are just catching up with me, I guess.-** **

****-be there soon!-** **

****

She smiled before packing up her bag. It quickly faded, though, when she stood up and her legs felt like they were asleep. 

"Sleep deprivation really is catching up with me, ugh." 

Thinking the cold air might wake her up, she pushed the cafe door open to stand outside. The icy air blew onto her face and through her hair. Her cheeks flushed and panic started to settle in her chest when her hands felt numb too. 

"What is _wrong_ with me?" She started to pull out her phone as she attempted to walk to the corner of the sidewalk under the streetlight. Before she could wrestle it out, she felt her feet slip out from under her. The last thing she felt was her head crashing into the ground before everything around her faded into nothing. 

When Connie finally regained consciousness, she saw nothing but darkness still. Her body felt like it was being tugged around in the ocean, with waves hitting her over and over that kept her from coming to the surface. It was forcing her eyelids shut and keeping her from taking a full breath. She frantically tried to get her eyes to open and her lips to move. 

_"I... I fell... Where... the snow. Steven was...."_ "Steven?" she finally muttered. 

The voice that answered wasn't Steven, that she could make out. 

"God, shut up. You've been mumbling about whoever that is since we left. Is that the loser you keep a picture of on your phone background?" 

The sound of the voice triggered her eyes to open and pain shot through her head as the headlights of a passing truck illuminated her surroundings briefly. "...Adam?"

"Finally awake? Took you long enough." She saw the shine of his teeth and the glint of his eyes in the dark as he spoke. 

"What? Where are we? Why are you even..." 

"I told you, you couldn't get rid of me that easily. I'm surprised you weren't expecting me." 

"How did you even find where...?" 

"You think I wouldn't know things you 'didn't tell me?' It was nothing finding out where you were from. Oh, and someone definitely didn't change their phone password." He laughed as he held up her phone in front of her face before tossing it into the back. 

"Where are you taking me?" she tried to focus on moving her hands. 

"I told you, remember? You'd regret leaving me. I'm bringing you back with me... I have a place for you. I know you'll come around, you always do, but I needed to make sure you came back this time." 

"You're crazy... it was you in the cafe... and you drugged my drink! You think things can just go back to anything after this? Turn us around!" Slowly moving her fingers, she could feel that both her arms were strapped under the seat belt. 

"No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not crazy!" He angrily grabbed her leg and dug his fingers in. She winced in pain and tried to pull away. 

"Stop!" 

"There's nothing you can do about it. We're out of the city now, anyways. There's nowhere for you to go." 

She focused her breathing and tried to look around in the dark for a sign of where they actually were. She could tell that they were indeed out of the city, but she didn't know just how far. While trying not to alert Adam, she felt her wrist unstiffen. While she wriggled it out from under the seat belt the glimpse of her phone that was now in the backseat caught her eye. 

She tried to distract him. "You know we won't even make it out of the state tonight, right? Even if you drive all the way through tonight, it'll take another half day after that." 

Don't worry about where we're going." 

"...You know my family will know that I'm gone, right?" She inched her hand towards the buckle.  
"We'll be too far gone by the time they do." 

She steadied her breathing, trying not to let panic settle in. Light came up on them quickly as he turned into a gas station. She could now see that they were in the rural area about an hour outside of Beach City. Aside from the road, they were surrounded by rotten, frosty cornfields. 

He leaned over to her, his hot breath on the side of her face. 

"You move, and I'll make sure no one finds you." 

Disgusted, she twisted her neck, trying to scoot away from him. He got out of the car, and she heard the doors lock. 

She kept her eyes on him as he disappeared into the store, then quickly pulled the seatbelt off. Her door wouldn't budge. A cry of frustration spilled out of her lungs as she tried to get her body to move--it felt like her legs were full of dead weight. 

She was able to twist her upper body and reach into the back for her phone before she used her arms to pull herself into the driver's seat. After taking a heavy breath, she unlocked the door and took wobbly steps towards the corn stalks. 

"God _damnit_!" 

She heard him yelling behind her. Panic shot up her spine before she felt her legs break into a run, carrying her into the cover of the corn field, not stopping to look back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always encouraged! :) Thanks for reading so far.


End file.
